After years, years, and more years of copying those around me and trying to be someone I'm not, I'm learning how to be me. I used to thrive off of this feeling to be someone I'm not. So much that I would copy every move of the person I admired that month/week/day. Now don't get me wrong, we all have our influences and people who inspire us; I just took it way too far.
I never understood why.
I never liked it.
It honestly made me hate myself.
Not many people knew this; they probably saw it though.
I feel that a lot of people saw me as someone who was very fake.
I used to be.
The main source is my insecurities. I'm extremely insecure.
I will sit in front of the mirror and pick apart every inch of my body, personality, and style.
That's why I was never myself before. I was always trying to fit into someone else's mold.
I know for a fact that this made a lot of people lose respect for me.
Recently though, (I mean literally this past week) I have felt so amazing.
I've really been pushing myself to find who I truly am inside.
I can't name one person I'm trying to copy.
I'm not acting fake.
I'm not trying to impress.
I'm certainly not trying to fit in.
So, I may dress like a weirdo.
I may put braids in my hair and wear way too many bracelets.
I may listen to music that makes me look like a huge stoner. (p.s. I'm not one at all)
I may celebrate being vegan to the highest degree.
I may spend 90% of my days daydreaming.
In the end those things make me... me!
When you celebrate the person inside, the person on the outside shows it.
I have never felt so alive, so healthy, and so at peace.
It took a war, but my mind is finally at ease with who I am.
My new goal is to try things that the real me always wanted to try. For example:
- I bought a longboard today. I have been wanting to long board for a while now, so... I went for it.
- I think blue eyeliner is really rad. You'll see me rocking that now.
- I love saying extremely corny inspirational things; I don't hide that anymore.
- I honestly hate packing on a lot of makeup. (Yup... it's true) I only wear a little now.
- I've been walking to and from work lately and it's extremely refreshing.
- I'm cutting all negativity out. I will be honest, I used to be really rude to people and that was never truly me.
There are so many other things I'm going to try and of course, I will share them with all of you.
I'm extremely proud of myself and happy with where I'm leading my life.
It took a lot of pain, tears, sweat, heartbreak, and work to get here.
I've lost 90% of my friends, a lot of self respect, and a lot of dignity.
But, everyday I'm gaining all three of those things back.
My advice to everyone reading this is to just be yourself.
I know you hear that all the time, you see it on t-shirts and everyones twitter bios; but it's so true.
A quote that has inspired me for years now is "Darling, be human".
That quote gets me through everything, it's a constant reminder to just be myself and roll with the punches.
Wether you're dealing with something similar or something completely different I promise you that it will get better and that you will get through it.
- Huge thanks to the wonderful Wicked & Wylee's. You guys have inspired me so much. You are one of the biggest reasons why I feel like I can be my true self. You all are so beautiful, kind, and loving. Thank you for everything! -
If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chat you can email me at helloveganinfo@gmail.com or tweet me at @hello_vegan