Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It's time to start being... ME.


After years, years, and more years of copying those around me and trying to be someone I'm not, I'm learning how to be me. I used to thrive off of this feeling to be someone I'm not. So much that I would copy every move of the person I admired that month/week/day. Now don't get me wrong, we all have our influences and people who inspire us; I just took it way too far.
I never understood why.
I never liked it.
It honestly made me hate myself.

Not many people knew this; they probably saw it though.
I feel that a lot of people saw me as someone who was very fake.
I used to be.

The main source is my insecurities. I'm extremely insecure.
I will sit in front of the mirror and pick apart every inch of my body, personality, and style.
That's why I was never myself before. I was always trying to fit into someone else's mold.
I know for a fact that this made a lot of people lose respect for me. 

Recently though, (I mean literally this past week) I have felt so amazing.
I've really been pushing myself to find who I truly am inside.
I can't name one person I'm trying to copy. 
I'm not acting fake.
I'm not trying to impress.
I'm certainly not trying to fit in.

So, I may dress like a weirdo.
I may put braids in my hair and wear way too many bracelets.
I may listen to music that makes me look like a huge stoner. (p.s. I'm not one at all)
I may celebrate being vegan to the highest degree.
I may spend 90% of my days daydreaming.

In the end those things make me... me!

When you celebrate the person inside, the person on the outside shows it.
I have never felt so alive, so healthy, and so at peace.
It took a war, but my mind is finally at ease with who I am.

My new goal is to try things that the real me always wanted to try. For example:
- I bought a longboard today. I have been wanting to long board for a while now, so... I went for it.
- I think blue eyeliner is really rad. You'll see me rocking that now.
- I love saying extremely corny inspirational things; I don't hide that anymore.
- I honestly hate packing on a lot of makeup. (Yup... it's true) I only wear a little now.
- I've been walking to and from work lately and it's extremely refreshing.
- I'm cutting all negativity out. I will be honest, I used to be really rude to people and that was never truly me.

There are so many other things I'm going to try and of course, I will share them with all of you.

I'm extremely proud of myself and happy with where I'm leading my life.
It took a lot of pain, tears, sweat, heartbreak, and work to get here.
I've lost 90% of my friends, a lot of self respect, and a lot of dignity.
But, everyday I'm gaining all three of those things back.

My advice to everyone reading this is to just be yourself.
I know you hear that all the time, you see it on t-shirts and everyones twitter bios; but it's so true.
A quote that has inspired me for years now is "Darling, be human".
That quote gets me through everything, it's a constant reminder to just be myself and roll with the punches. 

Wether you're dealing with something similar or something completely different I promise you that it will get better and that you will get through it.

- Huge thanks to the wonderful Wicked & Wylee's. You guys have inspired me so much. You are one of the biggest reasons why I feel like I can be my true self. You all are so beautiful, kind, and loving. Thank you for everything! -

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chat you can email me at helloveganinfo@gmail.com or tweet me at @hello_vegan